Please, let me fuck your mom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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