That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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