Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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