I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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