Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
