So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
