how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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