I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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