So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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