Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
