I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
