Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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