do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
