We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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