There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have aggressive nipples.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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