she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
