I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
