just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone signed my nipple.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
