i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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