I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
