Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
