Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
