is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
