Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
