dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
