With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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