YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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