"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
