ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
