laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
