Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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