Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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