Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
