Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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