Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
