I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
