ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
