if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I party with great urgency now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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