if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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