trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
