We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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