my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
