Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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