time to smoke my breakfast
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In other news, I just burned my penis
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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