It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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