Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
