The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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