I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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