she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
