I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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