i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
