pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
