Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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