Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
