Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize