pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
