I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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