The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
