i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
