i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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