i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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