my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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