yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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