it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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