I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
