i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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