can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
