This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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