I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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