If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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