yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
