I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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